Artemis and Butler are trading with the French PI
by Andy Pf
Summary: Butler and Artemis get up to no good


My Fanfiction is based on the Artemis Fowl series

My Fanfiction is based on the Artemis Fowl series. During the beginning half of the second book. Where Briar Cudgeon and Opal Koboi are informing each other of the battery situation.

'And Monsieur Carrere will be seized by the French police and end up in a nice padded cell' said Cudgeon the half demented LEPrecon officer.

'You have such a delicious sense of humour' said Koboi as she applied her trademark blood red lipstick.

'But we still lost all the last delivery of AA batteries' fumed Cudgeon going into another one of his outrageous mood swings 'And that insane commander saw them all!' 'Stupid goblins.'

Perhaps at this moment you would like some information or "science" as the crack-squad Sprites call it in the LEPrecon locker area. At this moment Briar Cudgeon and Opal Koboi are devising a master plan to overrun the whole underground haven of "the people" (meaning the fairy people).

So if it wasn't Artemis Fowl helping the B'Kel getting their top-of-the-range AA Lithium batteries then it was going to be a long haul. Finding a criminal mastermind in France was going to be about as easy as teaching a troll to do the Cancan. Or at least that was what Captain Short had decided as she reached for the Nurentio 3000 in her gun holster.

'Right so what is the plan?' inquired a shaky Artemis

'Well I was thinking that you and Butler should go and have a quality chat with those local gangsters and see if they know anything about the imports or exports of batteries."

'Ok I think I know what kind of talk you mean' smiled Butler

As Butler entered the smoke-laced tavern several eyes followed him. To tell the truth all eyes followed him, well you can't blame them it is quite hard not to stare at an 8ft 2Inc Eurasian bodyguard guarding a thirteen year-old boy. After Butler had chosen a seat for Artemis that fitted all the bodyguard recommendations he spoke in flawless French to one of the locals.

'_Do any of you know of dealing's with batteries in these parts?_'

'_It depends how big your check book is.' _replied one of the scrawny looking gangsters.

'_There will be no need for check books_.' said Artemis wearing his customary smirk '_Butler would you please inform these young lads of their situation_'

'_Oui_' sneered Butler as he withdrew one of the biggest handguns the world has ever seen. '_SigSaugher,19mm bullets_ _capable of decapitating almost anything with one shot. Now are we listening lads?'_

'_Yes_' they all chanted like a choir.

'_Good_' said butler with a hint of laughter. '_I need to know if anything fishy is happening around here_.'

'_His name is Carrere he is a P.I.; he has been acting strangely of late. There have been interceptions of certain cargo off the Indonesian ships. They have mostly been batteries, but sometimes all kinds of things go missing._' stuttered the slightly shaken leader.

'_Do you know where we could find this man?_' asked Artemis as he prodded the keyboard of his portable Mac.

'_Oui, he just moved into a very expensive apartment on Rue Bonaparte. They say that he never levees the place._'

'_Merci' _said Artemis '_Butler pay our friends in full' _said Artemis. And at that moment he had a spark in the back of his cranium. Which usually means he was beginning to formulate a plan.

The Butlers had been serving the Fowls for over three hundred years now. Once a Fowl and a Butler were pared it was for life, they would never part for more than a week. But if a Butler had no Fowl to pair with, some paranoid businessman who had a plot for world domination usually snapped them up. At the age of six Butler children were taken to Saudi-Arabia where they would learn how to disguise themselves in the desert and learn how to deal with the treats of a terrorist group they would also learn world class cooking. They did all this to learn to take care of their charge in tricky situations.

As Butler turned down Rue Savinuonge in the 1970 red label Bentley there was no doubting that this was going to take some pretty fancy driving. But Butler being Butler did not even blink at the stupidly narrow street. As the GPS went beeping crazily he put his foot down. Now most of us have probably seen those movies where the driver races through the tiny alleyways well those are all fake. As Butler drove through he scraped the paint.

'Nice going Butler boy' laughed Captain short

'Now now Holy don't get cocky with the big man otherwise it could your last emotion you experience on or under the earth.' said Artemis

'We are here Artemis.' said Butler in a monotone knowing that if he laid low maybe the scratches wouldn't come out of his paycheck.

'Good I wish to see the culprit myself.' He said as he cocked an eyebrow higher than usual 'Butler and I will go in first then when we give you the signal you will proceed in my fairy friend.'

'I don't like this I smell a mudman trick.' said Holly scanning the building with her heat sensitive camera. 'Right I can track you with my life signs detector and through Butlers Iriscam I will be with you the whole way.'

As Artemis and Butler ventured to the reception they saw a model type lady who had obviously filed her nails longer than she had been to school.

'Yes how can I help you.' said the receptionist

'We are here to see Monsieur Carrere.' said Artemis in an Irish accent that was a little to accentuated.

'Level four.'

As Butler and Artemis proceeded up the lift Butler leaned forward and hit his head sharply. The Iriscam fell on the floor and Artemis stepped on it with his hand made loafers.

'Finally my plans are going according schedule.' said Artemis with a grin

Then the manservant and the plotting teenager entered the apartment greeted the P.I. and when strait to the window and gave the signal.

'Do you think that betraying the captain's trust was the only way?' Mumbled Butler under his breath.

'I am quite sure this is the only way for me to succeed in this mission.' said Artemis with a grin from ear to ear.

Then as Captain Short entered the apartment via the window butler fired a tranquilliser that passed through the outer layering of her suit and entered her neck. In about three seconds that felt like an eternity she was seeing coloured bubbles and then passed out.


End file.
